Lost in a fog

It has been sooo long since I posted anything, and to be honest, I don’t know why. As I sit here reading everyone else’s blogs (for the first time in a while… sorry my friends) announcing that my friend Paul Mooney and the gang at Blue Wave Technology acquired my other friend Warren Elsmore and the fine folks at BE Systems, I wonder to myself, “Why do I feel so out of the loop?”

I really have had a lot to say… Things I’ve started blogging and things I’ve started podcasting, but as I review it, I begin to delete it all. I think that part of it is guilt that I haven’t been blogging or podcasting. Part of it is that a lot of my rage and anger will come out, and I’ll say something stupid (well, more stupid than usual).

I’m not sure where I’m at anymore, or even what I’m doing in life. All I know is that I love my wife and daughter and that’s about it. I know that for many that is enough, but I used to have a lot more going, but it seems to fade all away. I don’t feel like a contributor in life anymore… just a consumer. For me, that’s no way to live life.

I don’t mean to sound like a buzzkill… I really am happy for everyone else (including the posse at Idea JamBruce and Gayle, Matt, Sean… what a sweet idea that needed to be done!), I’m just not sure I’m ‘there’ anymore.

  • Hey Ray… course you are there… everyone takes a blogcation from time to time – in fact, its manditory! Don’t let it get to you at all – just start a few posts and ease into it mate. – I always enjoy what you write, so when you are ready, we are ready to read.

    See you soon
    P.

  • Don’t let a lack of blogging add to your troubles, my friend. RSS means never having to say you’re sorry (that you didn’t blog recently).

    I wish I knew how to help with your larger issues. It sounds a lot like the way I feel when my depression kicks my butt (fortunately, for me, that has always been a temporary condition – sometimes it lasts weeks). I’ve had to adjust my expectations of myself, because blaming myself only makes it worse. Since you are a man of deep faith, I’m sure you are familiar with the concept of “giving it to Jesus.” While that isn’t quite how I approach it, I do have to similarly accept things that I know I can’t handle. If you ever want to talk, on the chance that my issues might be similar to yours, just ping me. I don’t want to presume, but I do want to offer to help if I can.

  • I’ll be back in Grand Rapids on Saturday.

    Let’s get together for (I’ll drive to Detroit) lunch sometime next week.

    -Devin.

  • Hey Ray,
    Hate to see you this way. Like Rob suggests, pray on it first. We all get this way at times. Hang in there. I’m sure something will go your way soon. Sounds like your grounded in family so that’s the best place to be.
    I remember a dramatization from the Christian work camp I went to over the summer. They had people virtually bag up their troubles and carried to the cross. The question after hearing about everyone’s troubles was ‘ Would you trade your troubles with anyone else?’ Of course, all the others were worse than your own. I don’t know a lot about you but I do know you have a great family, a great country and the freedom to do what ever you want.
    Hand in there dude!

  • Hey Ray, don’t sweat it. No one loves you any less because you haven’t blogged about anything technically profound recently. That said, we all go through the occasional existential funk, so just chalk it up to “that’s life” and start doing the little things to get your groove back. In your case, you’ve got a ton of friends who’d be happy to listen, help, advise, apply a swift kick, whatever.

    Plus, we’ll all be really ticked if you forget that and don’t call. Emoticon

    -Kev

  • Dude, I sent some (potentially) good news to one of your ten zillion e-mail accounts…Emoticon

  • Ray,
    I don’t know you, and maybe it’s the first entry from your blog that I’ve read, but be sure I would like to read more. Be sure you’ll be writing again. I’ve been 3 years trying to start my own blog… and I’m still working on it Emoticon

    Miguel Angel

  • Hey man!

    I know how it can feel sometimes man. I know that if I’m not doing anything creative, I get into a depression myself. You just gotta pull yourself out of it and realize you have a lot of friends out here willing to help, and looking forward to hearing from you.

    You know I’ve got your back. Hell man, I don’t just go around kissing ANYONE Emoticon

    Now, do what I do in these times. Go, light up a nice cigar, grab a nice brew and just sit and let your worries fly away with the smoke. Take your time, and come back when you’re ready. We’ll be here.

    Take Care,
    Grey

  • Thanks everyone! I’m out of the fog now… and things have gotten clearer… TOO CLEAR in fact. Emoticon

    Maybe when I’m up to it (and I can say it in a delicate way), my next post will explain…